Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me

ok so I don't mean that as dramatic as it sounds...or maybe I do.



Between her and eating like a Skinny Girl I want to die. I really just do.

But...thanks to my being sick last week and literally eating almost nothing (maybe a pint of ice cream a day cause that is the only thing that would go down the hatch) I have lost about 15 pounds. YEA ME!

I can hang with these two crazy bitches if I'm going to lose weight like that! WHOOP WHOOP.

Jillian? Her workout is hard (I'm doing the 30 day Shred). I haven't made it fully through it yet! But, I am slowly getting more and more through it. I'm serious. I haven't done jumping jacks that much since grade school!

Dieting sucks. I keep telling myself that I'm really NOT dieting. Dieting makes me crazy, makes me actually eat crazy ass amounts of food that i don't need. It does not usually end with me losing (and keeping off) a lot of weight. So I'm trying to make this a lifestyle change. And that is harder to do than I thought.

I like the idea of the skinny girl. But...saying to myself that I'll never have a full piece of cake for the rest of my life? no. That sounds like dieting. And that makes me crazy. But as in a day to day how to eat and all that? I like it.

We'll see. I have a goal for my birthday (July 15) and I'm putting it out here so I am accountable. Having goals in my head does me no good cause if I don't meet them - who cares - who knows that I didn't meet it?

Goal for July is to have 1 thing from Ann Taylor (granted I haven't looked at her summer clothes so I hold the right to change this store...). I always LOVE her dresses they are so cute and flirty and sweet. And I am always way to fat to fit into any of them. They don't come in big girl sizes.

So that's the goal. We'll see if I can make it;)

If Jillian Michaels doesn't kill me first

Love and hate

I have personally tried most fad diets. When Oprah lost weight on shakes? umm so did I despite being in junior high I was put on slimfast (to be fair I did lose a bit of weight...to be unfair I still can't believe my mom did that. I was maybe a size 10 when I started? bigger than the average junior high girl but not so big that I needed an intervention).

I did atkins in my 20's. I lost a lot of weight (at this point I needed to). But...the reality is once you start eating like a human being again - wow did that weight come right back.

I have a phobia of diets at this point. I hear the word diet and I go running for chocolate. I'm not even kidding.

So I said to myself just cut back - up the exercise. Being a waitress has helped this endeavor and I have lost a little bit of weight. But I need to lose more. And I would love to lose more before the summer season starts here (I work more in the summer and literally run my ass off - which is fun, but if I lose some before the summer starts - I'll end the summer looking decent.)



So this quest led me to Bethenny. I love her on real housewives. I do. I watch her show. I love that she says never diet. LOVE LOVE LOVE.



I have now read most of her first book. It all makes sense. Don't deprive yourself...eat what you want. But only have 2 bites of chocolate cake. Only have a few bites of the bad things, but still eat them.

This is what I hate. Maybe this is why she looks like she does and I look like - well not like that. How can I push a piece of cake away? AUGH - I don't know if I can do it - and I hate that. I hate that I watched her show the other night and she really does live like that. She went and ate a chili cheese dog and truly ate half and then pushed it away. I would have snarfed that bitch right down the hatch.

I'm trying to add the fruits and veggies into my diet - but I don't know if I'll ever be able to have 1 square of chocolate and then push it away. *sigh* and I hate that about myself!

and right now I kind of hate myself for the amount of whining that took place in this post. It really wasn't supposed to turn out this way. but oh well;)