I survived

I've been very chatty this week;) I meant to give it a rest today or at least write about something very less mommy...and I even had a few topics in mind. But this article caught my eye and I can't resist. I really can't.

here's the link to the full article:

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/03/09/6227589-log-on-lash-out-why-i-fear-the-online-mommy-masses

but here's some of the best tidbits:

Like lots of moms, I’m far from my extended family, and I sometimes turn to the Internet – that darkest and cruelest of frenemies – to tell me what to do. If it takes a village to raise a child, today it’s a global one, filled with sometimes sanctimonious, pseudo-expert, shaming, myopic, catastrophically judgmental moms.

It comes down to this: time. All the big mom feuds seem to somehow suggest that if you aren’t taking the requisite time – to make your own baby food, potty train early, nurse forever, co-sleep, wear your baby, teach your baby sign language, make every second a gloriously teachable moment – you are failing. It seems the real mommy wars are between the most clichéd of foes: those who stay home and those who work. I can only speak for myself when I say that while working is a necessity, I feel both good and guilty about it every day.

Hey, by all means post if you have a good eczema remedy, but not if you must justify your mommying style by attacking that of others. Get ardent about your kid, sure, but let’s stop excreting toxic waste about how others excrete toxic waste. Yes, your child should be number one, but not if your attitude reminds me of number two.

OMG I love this woman. I may even buy her book.

I survived Ivillage. I only did a pregnancy board one time with my middle child. I would never in a million years do it again. I made some amazing friend. Got some amazing advice. Had a very good time...

BUT at the same time, I was ridiculed and talked about. I had ideas that weren't perfect by some standards. It became an all out bitch fest (and not in the good way). It hurt my feelings, I would lay awake in bed worrying. I can hear you now - really? About an online group? YES.

I don't have a lot of mom friends that I see on a daily basis that have kids the same age as me. So I spent a lot of time on a board with moms who did. Who were living the same hell/heaven that I was in. Getting yelled at for replying to a person to "meanly" or having your ideas/suggestions shot down because they weren't *fill in the blank with everything from environmentally friendly all the way to irresponsible parenting* hurt my feelings plain and simple.

I've learned a few things in the last 3 years (since I started on the mom board) and that is this...I do not care what crazy mom from Antarctica says about my mothering skills. I still have days of self doubt, a lot more than I'd like, but at the same time my boys love me. I love them. They are nice. They may not always be nice in my house, but I have seen them in public. They are polite, kind little boys so far. They aren't stupid (contrary to them starting certain things later and the implication from many mom's that my kids were slow). My oldest is one of the smart ones at preschool (yes that was shameless bragging but a mom's got to do it every once in a while). My middle one catches on quick. And the baby? well he's to much baby for me to care right now;) These are all the confirmations that I need.

I will still ask friends, and I may even read on the internet, about new situations or new problems that arise. But a vow right now is that I will never join a new group of mom's online. They are too hurtful. Maybe the good outweighs the bad (I do still hang out with many of the mom's I met on my playgroup board) but I just can't do it again.

PS - this sanctimonious post is in no way saying that I didn't do my fair share of tongue lashing. I like to think that the majority of it was over what I thought of as other's being sanctimonious...but I have no proof of that.

Oh you must have so much time

*Disclaimer...this bitchy post has a lot of self pity and whining in it. Read at your own risk*

I am tired. I am tired of myself, I am tired of others, I am almost tired of my kids.

I guess that I qualify as a Stay at home mom in the winter. I only work one night a week. During the summer I work 4. So I don't know - call me what you want - I work at night so maybe I am a stay at home mom?

I am very tired of the notion that I have all this free time. I do *maybe* have a different type of free time than I used to when I worked 5 DAYS a week. I guess people expect when you are at home with your kids that you should have a certain amount of time to get things done.

Here's the thing. I don't have an abnormal amount of time to get things done. I have 3 kids (which by no means is setting a record) that keep me pretty occupied. Naptime (which is now) is a savior for me. I get a lot of things done in those few hours - I really do. But, it is never enough time to get the never ending list of things to do done.

I have to say - when you are home with your kids you are IN YOUR HOME. It's more messy...your kids are there following you with their mess. I make more of a mess. So the ideal of having a clean house cause I'm here - well that is not going to happen.

I'm tired of the notion that I don't do anything. Yes - I know first hand that a lot of working mom's (who work during the day) have the same amount of laundry to do that I do. They have as many dinners to make as I do. I know that. I did it. I remember.

But now that I'm "home" there are different expectations on me. I'm supposed to have the perfect home life.

Here's the truth. I DO NOT!:) My house is a mess half of the time. I'm constantly catching up on laundry. I feel out of touch with the real world. I feel frustrated that there isn't any "product" at the end of my day. The most I can do is make a nice dinner, maybe I bake some bread to impress - well myself.

It's frustrating. I would never take anything away from a working mom. I just wish that they would stop poopooing me. I've done what they do. I know how hard it is. But I also know this little bit of truth...I felt that work was a "break" for me. It really was. It's a dirty little secret but it's the truth. On Sundays now when I'm getting ready for work I literally RUN out of the door. It's nice to be around adults:)

so here it is. As a stay at home person I put so much more pressure on myself that I'm sick of myself. I never feel like I've done enough or gave it enough effort. I wish I could figure out how to change it. I felt this way when I was working, but then I had the excuse of a full time job. I could almost justify it to myself.

meh. self pity is always bad;)