Friday, February 25, 2011


well - first that video is HYSTERICAL! What a toad;)

second I swear to everything that is holy if the wind doesn't stop soon? like as in stop for the winter - I'm going to lose my ever loving mind! I am pretty sure that I am developing Prairie Fever which is odd only because I don't live anywhere close to a friggen prairie!

Today the forecast? Wind all day. Getting worse this afternoon. Gusts 40-60 mph.

Being a midwest girl? AUGH!

My parents came to visit us when I had my youngest - and we had one of the worst nor'easters that my husband could remember (he's born and bred NJ). They had always poo poo'd me when I would complain about the constant wind. They had laughed when I told them I would take their Michigan snow and trade them the NJ wind. Then they lived through it. Now, every time my parents hear of bad weather nor'easters or anything close they call to check on us.

It's driving me bonkers. The worst part truly is that 1 week ago - exactly 1 week ago, we were at the zoo and park because it was so nice out. I don't mind the cold and dark winters AT ALL. I love snow (which we rarely get but have gotten this year). I love the sun setting at 4:30 (I'm not kidding). I DO MIND THE WIND. and I REALLY mind when the weather jerks us around. If there had been no nice weather? this wouldn't be so horrible.

I need a cocktail.

Thursday, February 24, 2011

to lighten the mood

You probably have already seen it and I'm not showing you anything new...but this is the funniest guy I have seen in a while. It makes me laugh until I cry.

Ahhh - the good times of the double rainbow. I will admit that I can get extremely excited about a rainbow...especially a strongly colored one - but wow. :) Enjoy!

Political idiots

I just can't help myself. I just can't stop it. I mean I thought this guy was a moron anyways (being that my husband is in fact a state worker) and now...he gives me ammo like this:

Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I could say more? but why? I mean the man is an idiot. And the scary thing is that it looks like he might win - REALLY? REALLY? I have to tell the American people - if you thought your state workers were idiots before (granted there are some that could leave with no impact). wait until you take away the reason that they work for the state (the good benefits cause it sure as shit isn't good pay). Wait America. Your bridges will fall down. You will spend twice as much on roads. Think you're going to get unemployment? well probably not on time. Want your kids to learn? want to have choices in education? good luck. This is just the tip of the ice burg. Fact is - the general public has no idea what most state workers do. Has no idea that many are grossly underpaid. Has no idea that the "good" ones are going to be out. They are going to find work in the private sector - leaving who behind? that's right - the ones that can't find jobs anywhere else. you know what that means? shit workers - that's what it means.

So go ahead. Keep making stupid decisions. Back the tea party. Get rid of all sorts of things and see how well the states function then. It may take you a few years to "reap the rewards". But at some point you'll regret it.

holy shit I'm mad:)

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

big for my britches

So I go and get all big for my britches about Sarah Palin and Ann Coulter...feeling kind of proud of myself for writing something that required some thought and organization in my son comes out and informs me that he has pooped in his pants...bring me right back to my reality of wiping hiney is my true job right now;)

I can't invent this stuff

Good lord.

I know the subject of politics is taboo for many. and I would hate to alienate people...but since I am the best of the bitch how could I not pass up an Ann Coulter quote on Sarah Palin. I mean, I seriously can't make up this stuff.

Seriously? Who listens to Ann anyways? And I don't care if you're republican - can you not admit that Sarah Palin is a wackadoodle? I mean...I will admit that Bill Clinton can't pass a skirt without making a pass...

Part of both of these women scares me, part of them makes me laugh. What is so frightening is that they are both incredibly crazy.

I mean a woman who says these kind of things:

Liberals become indignant when you question their patriotism, but simultaneously work overtime to give terrorists a cushion for the next attack and laugh at dumb Americans who love their country and hate the enemy.

Read more:

blech - who can listen to that?

and yes I'm a little sensitive since I happen to be liberal...but man...:)

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Snow Day

I am totally in love with the snow...but right now I feel like it has betrayed me.

School had a 4 day week-end. My husband had a 3 day week-end. I did not need anyone home an extra day...and yet - my beautiful white fluffy snow has caused another day at home - and in my business. ridiculous.

I need to bake some bread today. Maybe that will make them leave me alone.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Street Cred

So I am a ridiculous person who thinks she has street cred when in reality I am a 34 year old mom.

I tell people that I've been to 8 Mile Road...which may or may not be true. I KNOW I've been to 12 mile and 14 mile...which aren't quite the same thing.

I can say that I've been to some gay bars and got more phone numbers than the gay men in the bar (this is 100% true...I'm good in a gay bar).

I get excited whenever I see something on tv that I have been to. I was in NYC when they were shooting the movie Elf - I have told that to everyone I know. Somehow I work it into the convo that I saw all the cameras set up for the ending scene in central park.

I totally will use that I live in NJ as street cred when necessary. there are parts of the country who think that all NJ'ers are connected or a Real Housewife. I have claimed both!

meh...some random crazy thoughts on a snowy monday night.

Friday, February 18, 2011

oh you have to be kidding me

I decided to not make this all about the hells of mothering, the boredom of staying at home...cause yes I do have some of those things but life it so much more than that;) BUT...while shopping on craigslist for a new double stroller (side by side) I find this ad

"mommy in desperate need of a double stroller or a car seat/ stroller set (for boy) im not able to work due to my 7 month old having medical problems im looking for these items to be free as i dont have any money god bless any one who would be willing to give these items to me free thankyou "

are you serious. 1 - i don't believe you. I think you can't work cause you can't work. and 2 - wow. that's pretty out there. 3 - believe it or not, South jersey does have multiple organizations that you could go and get something used for a really good price. I know I have donated to some of them.

people have a lot of nerve and this made me laugh out loud. I'm going to place an ad:

Wanted a side by side double stroller. Must have basket underneath. Must have cup holder for my starbucks. But I really don't want to pay a lot since it's winter and I only work 1 day a week in the winter. So I'm going to ask that you give it to me for free and I will pray for you in return

think it will work?

Spring Days at the Jersey Shore

It's so nice here today. It's like Spring in February. Which sounds great. It's even a holiday week-end with public school here closed today and Monday. Again sounds great right?

here's the catch. Every person that owns a home or condo will be down tonight. Sounds great again doesn't it since I am a waitress?

I'm not ready for this. I'm not ready to lose my quiet little sleepy town. I fight with myself constantly...more people equals more money for me. but...blech.

There are several different types of tourist down here.

1. people who own. They actually think they should be considered residents in the same status as me. LIVE somewhere else. You vacation here. How is that being a resident? You are not a local until you've survived a few winters at the shore. Even now (after 10 1/2 years here and all winters spent here) my husband is likely to say I'm not a local. They act superior to almost everyone with quotes like "I have a summer home here" or "I'm local I own". My reply is that I have a winter home.

2. People who rent condo's/homes. These might be the most obnoxious. Not sure - it may be a tie with people who own. They come down and flash money. Sure might be great for our economy, but they flash money and then fail to produce it. meaning YES they'd love the surf and turf and stuff it too with crab meat please. Bring me as many drinks as you can - no I don't care about the price. I can see these people coming from a mile away. They eat and drink and "don't care about the price" until it comes time to pay and they've racked up a nice big bill. then they don't seem to have enough left over to tip. They spend the rest of their vacation ordering $12 pizza's delivered to their condo.

3. The hotel'ers. They aren't down yet. They won't be down in force until July 4th week-end. These people are on true vacation. They eat out every meal. Know that they are going to have to tip. And in general, stay on the beach or at their hotel with a pool. They don't clog up my stores, they aren't at walmart stocking up on snacks. I like the hotel crowd.

of course there are exceptions in every crowd. And in general I can say that last summer (first summer waiting tables in 11 years and first time ever in NJ) was pretty good. But, it's week-ends like this that make me cringe. I know they are coming. I know that my sleepy little hamlet is endangered.

*sigh* at least to date no one has flipped a table in my restaurant:) although I would be ok as long as it's filmed for Bravo.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Snarky Mom: Something's Rotten in the State of Beer and Cheese...

The Snarky Mom: Something's Rotten in the State of Beer and Cheese...: "I'm taking a deep breath and popping a Xanax right now. I'm going to try my best to not make this post political. I don't believe in politic..."

My first guest

Welcome to Mayim Bialik.

Her credentials are being Blossom. She also got her phd. Apparently that makes her an expert. I'll almost give her that except her phd is in neuroscience and it was not focused on children in the least bit. But, now she's giving us parenting advice.

Not sure if you saw it or not. But she isn't making her kids say please and thank you. And she thinks that mothers who make their kids share are hovering.

There are certain things that I take no issue with. I DO think that a lot of things are being over diagnosed. That our kids, if they aren't on the correct time line, are labeled as having something. I agree with her on a point.

I do have issue with not requiring some level of sharing. I have issues with not asking your children to be polite. I have issues with not asking your children to excel.

I guess if you are forced to be on set at a young age, and are smart you are bitter? I don't get it.

Here I am

So with the encouragement of friends who have reminded me that my biting tongue can sometimes be least to myself - here I am. Doing what I do best - give my absolute, honest, and sometimes snarky opinions of what is going on in the world. Crying out at the injustice, applauding the correct, and well...making fun of those people who are too full of themselves or ridiculousness...

So enjoy. And if you don't enjoy then sorry. If you do enjoy - pass it on to your friends. The more the merrier.