Thursday, March 31, 2011

Dark side of new furniture

I hate buying new anything. I really do. It sends me into a tizzy. I like getting new things (and honestly we need it in several departments) but I hate the stress of getting it.

Items must be cleaned and moved or thrown away. I am NEVER ready when it happens. So I find myself running around trying to clean up, move items, blech.

Second thing I hate? Is furniture that must be assembled. It stresses me out beyond belief! I don't think my husband and I have ever been so close to divorce as when we have to assemble something together.

I now get sweaty palms when he starts looking at new stuff. I get nervous and twitty.

All of this is to tell you that we got a new desk. It is now assembled. We didn't get divorced...but...we aren't actually the picture of marital bliss while putting things together. He makes me cranky.

Background - T is an engineer. He sees things like an engineer. I am a spaz. I see things like a spaz would. I can't tell you why this goes here or what it should look like. I don't know which end needs to be inserted, I could never tell you that. He can.

So...I end up getting bitchy cause he expects me to know. Then the "I feel stupid" for not knowing comes in...

So we have a new desk. Now I have to move everything. yuck. I should be doing that right now instead of typing but that's not fun.

Scary thing is...we are getting bedroom furniture in like a month. sweet moses.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Dear Weather

So as most people know about me, I LOVE THE SNOW! I really do. I love winter and my early dark nights. I love getting a cup of coffee at 8 pm and having it be pitch black (although in the winter I could do this at like 6 pm). I love the storms. I love being stranded in my house.

People know me as a Christmas Lover. I am. I love Christmas, I love a white Christmas. Part of my love of Christmas is that you're all together huddled inside your nice warm house. It (hopefully) is all white and beautiful outside and you're warm and snuggy in the house. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

What I do NOT love, is no spring.

I am officially ready for spring. This bullshit of having 40 degree weather in the end of March? Nope. Not happening.

I need to send my kids outside to play. I need them out of the house - even if it's for 1/2 hour. I need to take a walk with them. I need to take them to the playground and let them get out their energy.

I need to clean out my flower beds. I have bulbs coming up. They are dying because of the cold.

I need it to be nice so I am busy at work. These nights of 6 people need to be done.

I do NOT need beach weather, I NEED spring.

So here is my sad plea with the weather man.

Dear Weather,

Please be nice so I do not go insane. Please warm up so I can start going to the farm stand to buy nice fresh veggies and fruit. Please help me be able to go outside without bundling everyone up. Please warm up so that I can wear my flip flops without everyone pointing at my feet (I wear them year round). Please get nice and beautiful so that I can make my husband grill instead of trying to cook inside of my house. Please stay nice and have a nice warm spring instead of the usual straight from winter to summer.

Sincerely
Heather

Friday, March 25, 2011

Jillian Michaels is trying to kill me

ok so I don't mean that as dramatic as it sounds...or maybe I do.



Between her and eating like a Skinny Girl I want to die. I really just do.

But...thanks to my being sick last week and literally eating almost nothing (maybe a pint of ice cream a day cause that is the only thing that would go down the hatch) I have lost about 15 pounds. YEA ME!

I can hang with these two crazy bitches if I'm going to lose weight like that! WHOOP WHOOP.

Jillian? Her workout is hard (I'm doing the 30 day Shred). I haven't made it fully through it yet! But, I am slowly getting more and more through it. I'm serious. I haven't done jumping jacks that much since grade school!

Dieting sucks. I keep telling myself that I'm really NOT dieting. Dieting makes me crazy, makes me actually eat crazy ass amounts of food that i don't need. It does not usually end with me losing (and keeping off) a lot of weight. So I'm trying to make this a lifestyle change. And that is harder to do than I thought.

I like the idea of the skinny girl. But...saying to myself that I'll never have a full piece of cake for the rest of my life? no. That sounds like dieting. And that makes me crazy. But as in a day to day how to eat and all that? I like it.

We'll see. I have a goal for my birthday (July 15) and I'm putting it out here so I am accountable. Having goals in my head does me no good cause if I don't meet them - who cares - who knows that I didn't meet it?

Goal for July is to have 1 thing from Ann Taylor (granted I haven't looked at her summer clothes so I hold the right to change this store...). I always LOVE her dresses they are so cute and flirty and sweet. And I am always way to fat to fit into any of them. They don't come in big girl sizes.

So that's the goal. We'll see if I can make it;)

If Jillian Michaels doesn't kill me first

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Grout Time

I hate grout. I really do. I LOVE LOVE LOVE tile. If I could figure out how to clean grout easier I would have my whole house done in tile - it's so easy and it's almost impossible for things 1-3 to ruin.

But the grout. Oh the grout.

So...starting last night, half of my day is going to consist of me on my hands and knees (don't get dirty). In one hand grout brush, in the other box of baking soda and on the floor a nice bowl of hot water.

There seriously has to be an easier way than me scrubbing like this.

Thankfully I can honestly say that I'm happy I only do this about once a year (although more in my fully tiled shower...which seemed like such a good idea before I knew about the grout issues).

Anyone have any better way of cleaning grout? Keeping it clean?

And since I'm starting on the grout, I might as well get at the rest of my disastrous house. I never know where to start. I feel like we've outgrown our house, but let's get serious...my parents raised 3 kids in a smaller home. I know I can make this work - I just need to find a place to put the crap!

I want to beg people from now on Please do NOT BUY ANY MORE TOYS. but who is going to listen to that? I want to throw away all the junk, the clothes, the stuff. But I know we'd just buy more.

I need an intervention. Maybe I'll get that new Oprah show to come to my house and clean it and buy me all kinds of organizational tools. Meh I doubt it.

So here it is. This bitch is taking back the house! One room at a time. God help those who get in my way

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Bitchin Baking

Ok Sorry folks! The links now work - I'm somewhat slow...but they work now:)

Here it is - my first food blog. I'm so proud of myself. Although I made these like 2 weeks ago instead of yesterday like a true food blogger...I'm still proud and they are still pretty. I even took pictures!

Bagels baking:

Photobucket

Finished Bagel:

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Finished Bread:


Photobucket

ok enough bragging. One of my goals is to make us all more healthy people. Including the 3 little people. but especially the 2 big people. So...one of the ways that I thought I could make us a little more healthy was baking my own stuff! No preservatives, no things I can't pronounce, but hopefully still yummy.

My family loves bagels and cream cheese. But they are always huge, always all white and not so good for you. So I found this recipe:

Bagel Recipe!

That's the idea but here's what I actually made:

* 1 teaspoon active dry yeast
* 1 1/4 cups warm milk (110 to 115 degrees F)
* 1/4 cup butter softened
* 1 Tablespoon sugar
* 1 Tablespoon Honey
* 1 teaspoon salt
* 1 egg yolk
* 1 cups all-purpose flour
* 2 cups oat bran
* 3/4 Cup ground flax seed.

In a mixing bowl, dissolve yeast in warm milk. Add the butter, sugar, salt and egg yolk; mix well. Stir in enough flour to form a soft dough. Turn onto a floured surface; knead until smooth and elastic, about 6-8 minutes. Place in a greased bowl, turning once to grease top. Cover and let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 1 hour. Punch dough down. Shape into 12 balls. Push thumb through centers to form a 1-in. hole. Place on a floured surface. Cover and let rest for 10 minutes; flatten. In a large saucepan, bring water to a boil (I added a tablesoon or so of honey into the water). Drop bagels, one at a time, into boiling water. Boil for 1 minute on each side. Remove with a slotted spoon and place 2 in. apart on greased baking sheets. Bake at 400 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from pans to wire racks to cool.


I also made the bagels the above way but added blueberries and used all whole wheat flour, oat bran and flax seed. Blueberries are a pain in my ass...but they were yummy when done.

Here is the link for the bread:

Jeni's Wheat Bread

I didn't make too many changes in the bread, except I did use some oat bran, wheat germ and flax seed instead of all the whole wheat flour.

It is all very yummy...and very healthy. And makes this bitch very proud:)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Momzilla's

This post is in no way talking about one specific person. More or less talking about a bunch of people!:)

Momzilla's. Defined by the urban dictionary as...
Usually a mother --but could be a childless woman (rare!)-- whose good mothering traits such as concern for others and knowing better get blown to massive Japanese-lizard proportions, thus rendering them annoying and complicated people with whom you don't want to spend a second longer than you must. An overbearing bitch of a mom who's always right. Combination of "mom"+"Godzilla." See also momster

They are every where. Trying to avoid the momzilla's in life is the equivalent of trying to avoid Mickey Mouse at DisneyWorld. They track you down. They can smell a new mom from 20 paces. They will become a friend based in new mommyhood friendship and then...wham. Out of no where. Advice, which is not really advice but more like a lecture. The competition. Which is just that.

Real mom's give each other advice. We do. I'll be the first one to say well this worked for me or it worked for kids A & C, but this worked for kid B. We share, and sometimes those sharing tips help a sister out.

Momzilla advice? It's not like that. It's not sharing ideas. It's not bouncing things off of each other. It's "Well this worked in our house so it must be the gospel. and on top of working in my house, it's what I chose and researched. Therefore everyone who doesn't follow my method is stupid, irresponsible, negligent, and pretty much a horrible person."

All people share notes. I recently was chatting with a mom at kid A's swim practice. She has 2 sons (ages 9 & 6) and a daughter around 20 months. I asked her is daughter talking? The refreshing non-momzilla answer - "not really. a few words". AMEN. It was a breath of fresh air. We shared notes all of swimming practice. I might be in love with this woman.

Momzilla sharing notes. "Oh well my child has been talking, walking, singing, dancing since she was 6 months old. She's very advanced." I'm not even joking. If I hear "very advanced" from a mother - I immediately tune her out and sing songs in my head. Me and my not advanced kids just hear the peanuts "blah blah meh meh".

I have to say that being a momzilla? Must be exhausting. I can barely keep up with not being an overachieving mom. How hard it must be to be the first parent to sign their child up for every activity (whether they are the right age or not. I include the parents who bribe their way into sports or whatever else when their kids don't meet the age requirements into the momzilla category). Since Momzilla's kids are so superior she has her hands full. Classes, training, pushing their kids to ensure that they are number one at all times.

I will be honest: my own mother can be a little momzilla'ish at times. Kid A and kid B have 2nd cousins almost the exact same age - within months. Grandmazilla was constantly asking if they were walking, talking, blah blah blah. I finally said - "no they aren't in a race. They will do it when they do it." So some of the momzilla issues hit close to home for me.

I admit, instead of competing with the momzilla's and their brilliant offspring, I have become the anti-momzilla which may be just as horrible. I don't update my facebook on a continual basis about what my kids have accomplished (all mom's have a proud moment, please don't take me wrong), I don't push probably should push at somethings but I don't, and I have taken to tracking down momzilla's and trying to point out that they are in fact BEING a momzilla. Not very nice. Guess that's why I get the bitchy title.

The moral of my story, is that none of us are perfect parents. But, wouldn't life be so much easier if we all (myself included) would give each other a friggen break? Celebrate the highs together, but don't expect me to celebrate EVERY FRIGGEN NEW WORD THAT YOUR GENIUS SAYS. Celebrate the milestones but please don't expect me to believe that your child has hit every milestone months or even years early. Post that your kid is smart - all of us think that about our kids (well most of the time) but don't tell me how smart your kid is in a way that suggest that he is superior to my kids.

Is 10 am to early for vodka?

Monday, March 21, 2011

You Tipped me WHAT?

So by profession I am now a waitress or a server whatever you want to call me. I spent 10 years in more of a career type job but when baby number 3 rolled around I couldn't see the point of spending more in daycare than I was making. It was silly. So I took a wild leap and landed myself a serving job. I live in a pretty touristy area so summer rocks it. Winter however....does not.

I currently work 1 night a week. In May I'll start back up to my 4 nights.

Let me tell you. I actually love my job. Most of the time! I get to talk to interesting people, serve great food (we have great chefs), and there is the promise of booze at the end of my shift. I have missed restaurants and all the craziness they hold.

I am coming up on my 1 year anniversary of being a server again. I'm dreading the summer and ready for it all at the same time. It's a love hate thing. Right now I'm serving a lot of locals, and as a local down here you HAVE to have someone in your family or a friend or someone that has been in the service industry so you would think that the tips would be better. In the summer time you have a lot of vacationers...and don't get me started on the French Canadians (They are not European - why do they have to try and tip like it? 10 percent is NOT ok).

This percentage brings me to the point of my post. As a server I make a whopping total of $2.13 an hour. Seriously. When I had my first serving job 14 years ago I made the exact same amount. That's right folks, the rest of America has gotten a pay raise in minimum wage, but not servers. Yes, you can argue that by the price of food going up that indeed servers have gotten raises, I have heard this argument before. But, in terms of WAGES I have not gotten a raise. I can not pay my taxes on $2.13 an hour because I am taxed on my tips. So, quite often in the summer I owe money to my employer.

While the $2.13 bothers me in principal (it does bug me that I can't pay taxes because I make so little, and no one has thought to give us a raise) what bothers me is people who don't know how to tip. Last night, for example, I rocked it. I really did. I had tables who loved me (and I definitely can tell if you love me or hate me). People remembered my name (I feel like I've done my job and you feel like you know me if you can remember my name...it's the little things). People were polite. Held brief conversations with me...and then left me 15%.

Sorry folks. 15% is an ok tip if you think your service was just "ok". However, if I served everything at the exact right moment, refilled your water glass 5 times, got you whatever you needed, didn't make you wait, made you laugh, gave you good food....15% is NOT ok. It tells me that I missed something in making you happy. I MAKE $2.13 AN HOUR. IT IS WINTER. YOU KNOW I AM NOT GOING TO WAIT ON 10 TABLES.

In the summer when I'm busting it, I can make up for a couple of 15%'ers. I can make it up on another table. In the winter? There is no recovery.

And if any of my dear beloved readers have a tip card? THROW IT AWAY! eek. I hate calculators, cards all of it. I mean no one can be that bad at math that they are worried about screwing me out of my money...nope what they are worried about? Is wasting money on me. Giving me an extra dollar which would horrify them. AUGH

So here's the moral of my story. 20% is a good tip. It means I made you happy. If your bill is $10 ummm you should leave more than 20% cause $2 sucks (get serious). If you really loved me, felt like I went above and beyond for you? Throw an extra dollar or two. I will get it I will understand that you loved me.

Please be kind. We are servers, NOT servants. We are here to make you happy, but please don't treat us worse than your dog - we are also people. We do NOT like finger snapping. We do not like being yelled at from across the dining room. (seriously don't EVER do that). We can all get along:)

Friday, March 18, 2011

The Bitch is back

I am slowly recuperating. I still want to do nothing but sleep and lay around but I'm even bored with that! So:) I'm back. And probably bitchier than ever!

Here's my bitches of being sick!

1. Mom's do not get a day off. They just apparently don't. Dad's do. I do everything possible when my husband is sick to get him better, including a lot of alone time for him in bed with the tv. I have even made him home made chicken noodle soup and brought it up to him...WHILE HE'S IN BED. Me? nope. Mr. Dad has been driving hours each way to a training class. So I picked the wrong week to be sick. Maybe if he hadn't had to do that I would have gotten a day off? not sure.

2. All I can think about is food. And how good it would taste. But I can't swallow. So I sit there with a growling tummy watching Top Chef (LOVE IT) and drool - which makes me have to swallow, which makes my throat hurt, which reminds me that I can't have food.

3. Laundry is now knee deep. It's ridiculous that a few days off of doing laundry and it's going to take me loads and loads to catch up. That's ridiculous. seriously.

4. The weather is finally nice, but I'm too friggen exhausted to enjoy it. So the weather can suck it.

5. Having sick kids at the same time. I actually had a few moments where I was like well - my ears hurt too get over it. Then I had to remember that well...they are a lot smaller than me...I still have a place for mother of the year right?

So hopefully life gets a little more back to normal around here. If you miss me I will be in laundry hell.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

One way to shut me up

I haven't been this miserably sick for years. I can't swallow anything. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't function.

I can't even be bitchy cause all I want to do is whine!

So I'll be back soon. I'll be extra bitchy when I come back. Maybe tomorrow (seems to be getting better).

I may need to whine about my kids. Right now I am praying that my husband doesn't get this!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

This weeks bitching

To sum up another wild and crazy week in my household...here are my bitchiest thoughts of the week.

1. Every time I hear about someone being pregnant I immediately think of booze. How are they going to drink? Can I have a drink now? Do you know how many months of my life have been without booze because I was pregnant? Very bitchy I know.

2. Diaper companies are scamming us. Luv's and Pampers are made by the same people. Luv's are noticeably cheaper. I used Luv's for years. Now Luv's changed and they suck so I am back to buying the more expensive Pampers. I think they are scamming us into the expensive diapers.

3. I hate the eye doctor. I do. I know it's weird but it stresses me out. Is it better 1 or 2? I DON'T KNOW! AUGH I avoid the eye doctor.

4. I feel disloyal and bitchy. I actually weirdly enough LOVE winters with snow! LOVE LOVE LOVE. but right now? I am ready for winter to be done. We aren't going to get more snow here so winter can be done now.

5. I have mixed feelings about going home to Michigan to meet my nephew. Long juicy gossipy history right now. I am excited to meet him, but...long juicy bitchy history with seeing the rest of his family.

6. I think that the guys from "American Pickers" are gay. I don't care if they are or if they aren't...but I have suspicions.

7. I watch shoes like Heavy to feel better about myself. I definitely could stand to lose some weight, but I feel superior to their whining. bitchy bitchy bitchy

8. I am a blog a holic. I can't stop reading them. I must say that a lot of them give me joy to read (try something new, find another blogging mom, find another bitchy woman...I'm in) but I can't read past the first line of a blog that is constantly selling me something. So maybe I'm becoming a blog snob? I don't know. Advertise - I think that's fabulous. If you are showing me how to make muffins, advertise for muffin tins on your site...but if your site is nothing but sales pitch after sales pitch. no thank you.

That's it from the bitch this week. See I'm even so bitchy today that I don't have a good list number. Who ends a list at 8? Well...this bitch does.

Friday, March 11, 2011

I survived

I've been very chatty this week;) I meant to give it a rest today or at least write about something very less mommy...and I even had a few topics in mind. But this article caught my eye and I can't resist. I really can't.

here's the link to the full article:

http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/03/09/6227589-log-on-lash-out-why-i-fear-the-online-mommy-masses


but here's some of the best tidbits:

Like lots of moms, I’m far from my extended family, and I sometimes turn to the Internet – that darkest and cruelest of frenemies – to tell me what to do. If it takes a village to raise a child, today it’s a global one, filled with sometimes sanctimonious, pseudo-expert, shaming, myopic, catastrophically judgmental moms.

It comes down to this: time. All the big mom feuds seem to somehow suggest that if you aren’t taking the requisite time – to make your own baby food, potty train early, nurse forever, co-sleep, wear your baby, teach your baby sign language, make every second a gloriously teachable moment – you are failing. It seems the real mommy wars are between the most clich├ęd of foes: those who stay home and those who work. I can only speak for myself when I say that while working is a necessity, I feel both good and guilty about it every day.

Hey, by all means post if you have a good eczema remedy, but not if you must justify your mommying style by attacking that of others. Get ardent about your kid, sure, but let’s stop excreting toxic waste about how others excrete toxic waste. Yes, your child should be number one, but not if your attitude reminds me of number two.

OMG I love this woman. I may even buy her book.

I survived Ivillage. I only did a pregnancy board one time with my middle child. I would never in a million years do it again. I made some amazing friend. Got some amazing advice. Had a very good time...

BUT at the same time, I was ridiculed and talked about. I had ideas that weren't perfect by some standards. It became an all out bitch fest (and not in the good way). It hurt my feelings, I would lay awake in bed worrying. I can hear you now - really? About an online group? YES.

I don't have a lot of mom friends that I see on a daily basis that have kids the same age as me. So I spent a lot of time on a board with moms who did. Who were living the same hell/heaven that I was in. Getting yelled at for replying to a person to "meanly" or having your ideas/suggestions shot down because they weren't *fill in the blank with everything from environmentally friendly all the way to irresponsible parenting* hurt my feelings plain and simple.

I've learned a few things in the last 3 years (since I started on the mom board) and that is this...I do not care what crazy mom from Antarctica says about my mothering skills. I still have days of self doubt, a lot more than I'd like, but at the same time my boys love me. I love them. They are nice. They may not always be nice in my house, but I have seen them in public. They are polite, kind little boys so far. They aren't stupid (contrary to them starting certain things later and the implication from many mom's that my kids were slow). My oldest is one of the smart ones at preschool (yes that was shameless bragging but a mom's got to do it every once in a while). My middle one catches on quick. And the baby? well he's to much baby for me to care right now;) These are all the confirmations that I need.

I will still ask friends, and I may even read on the internet, about new situations or new problems that arise. But a vow right now is that I will never join a new group of mom's online. They are too hurtful. Maybe the good outweighs the bad (I do still hang out with many of the mom's I met on my playgroup board) but I just can't do it again.

PS - this sanctimonious post is in no way saying that I didn't do my fair share of tongue lashing. I like to think that the majority of it was over what I thought of as other's being sanctimonious...but I have no proof of that.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dear Mr. John Q Driver

Oops.. Street Painting Pictures, Images and Photos

I have no idea what you were taught in drivers training. Maybe it has been too long since you were in drivers training. Maybe you need to take a refresher course.

If you do not already know the rules...the right lane on any major road/highway is the SLOW LANE. The left lane is there for me and my big black minivan to smoke you in. I take on sports cars, I can surely pass you in your Kia.

street signs

Please also take note that if you are in a car tagged with PA license plates* and you keep driving in my lane? You will unleash a whole new brand of pissed of mom in the big black minivan. I will flash my lights at you. When I do get passed you (and YOU KNOW I will) I will flip you the bird and yell. My kids think it's funny and they are used to it. In fact, my 5 year old knows how to drive better than you and will yell at you from the third seat.

Nissan Quest Pictures, Images and Photos

Please take note of the picture above and memorize it. Put it in black and beware if you see this tailgating you. I will not apologize. I promise.

*The PA remark is not a slam against every PA driver - I'm sure most of them are fine. The ones that I see down here on vacation? Blocking the way to my island? Not ok. especially NOT ok when they are in the wrong lane.

Oh you must have so much time

*Disclaimer...this bitchy post has a lot of self pity and whining in it. Read at your own risk*

I am tired. I am tired of myself, I am tired of others, I am almost tired of my kids.

I guess that I qualify as a Stay at home mom in the winter. I only work one night a week. During the summer I work 4. So I don't know - call me what you want - I work at night so maybe I am a stay at home mom?

I am very tired of the notion that I have all this free time. I do *maybe* have a different type of free time than I used to when I worked 5 DAYS a week. I guess people expect when you are at home with your kids that you should have a certain amount of time to get things done.

Here's the thing. I don't have an abnormal amount of time to get things done. I have 3 kids (which by no means is setting a record) that keep me pretty occupied. Naptime (which is now) is a savior for me. I get a lot of things done in those few hours - I really do. But, it is never enough time to get the never ending list of things to do done.

I have to say - when you are home with your kids you are IN YOUR HOME. It's more messy...your kids are there following you with their mess. I make more of a mess. So the ideal of having a clean house cause I'm here - well that is not going to happen.

I'm tired of the notion that I don't do anything. Yes - I know first hand that a lot of working mom's (who work during the day) have the same amount of laundry to do that I do. They have as many dinners to make as I do. I know that. I did it. I remember.

But now that I'm "home" there are different expectations on me. I'm supposed to have the perfect home life.

Here's the truth. I DO NOT!:) My house is a mess half of the time. I'm constantly catching up on laundry. I feel out of touch with the real world. I feel frustrated that there isn't any "product" at the end of my day. The most I can do is make a nice dinner, maybe I bake some bread to impress - well myself.

It's frustrating. I would never take anything away from a working mom. I just wish that they would stop poopooing me. I've done what they do. I know how hard it is. But I also know this little bit of truth...I felt that work was a "break" for me. It really was. It's a dirty little secret but it's the truth. On Sundays now when I'm getting ready for work I literally RUN out of the door. It's nice to be around adults:)

so here it is. As a stay at home person I put so much more pressure on myself that I'm sick of myself. I never feel like I've done enough or gave it enough effort. I wish I could figure out how to change it. I felt this way when I was working, but then I had the excuse of a full time job. I could almost justify it to myself.

meh. self pity is always bad;)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Baby Bitching

baby shower Pictures, Images and Photos

So, I have already told this story to some...but it's such a good story that I have to repeat it. It makes me mad and giggly all at the same time!

For the sake of a family that no one knows here we'll do this - dad is pdiddy, mom is mama, daught (age 5) is M and son age 3 is C.

Now...before I begin my gossip I know some of you will say but Heather, you have told us that you wouldn't make fun of people's parenting...Yes I stand by that. But this isn't really making fun of people's parenting as much as it is making fun of obnoxious living:) there's a difference! There really is.

So...Pdiddy and Mama are expecting twins. Twin boys if I have heard correctly (I heard this from a friend - NOT from pdiddy and mama.) They already have M and C. These twins are not unexpected, except that there are 2 of them and not 1. They wanted another child (this I DID hear from mama but it was a year ago).

Pdiddy is on facebook. Mama is not. Pdiddy and I have seen each other on facebook for about 2 years. M and my son have been tagged in the same photos by a mutual facebook friend. Never has pdiddy thought of friending me. And being that pdiddy and mama aren't people that I'm ready to call friends - I never thought about friending them. Our kids aren't close and neither are we.

I think about 2 weeks ago Pdiddy found me and friended me on fb. I thought this was odd since we've both been on for so long but oh well. Instead of being bitchy I decide to be nice. I accepted and now pdiddy and I are friends.

THEN the truth comes out. Pdiddy is throwing his own wife Mama a baby shower for their THIRD AND FOURTH kids. 1 - this is tacky - daddy should never throw a shower (I'll admit that my husband was a big helper trying to plan my shower for son #1 because his family wouldn't do it and my mom lives 750 miles away...but it was my mom throwing the shower...she was coming in for the week-end to throw the shower. Although my son was born 5 days before the shower...) ANYWAYS..2 - you do not get a full blown huge shower for your third and fourth kids. I don't care that they are twins. maybe you have a small something cause someone wants to do it for you...but it's double tacky that your husband is arranging it because apparently you threw a tantrum about wanting one (this is hearsay something I heard about why they are throwing the shower!)

twins Pictures, Images and Photos

Pdiddy sent me a fb message and asked for my address...and then the address of a friend of mine who is not on fb. I asked the friend yesterday - Are you close to pdiddy and mama? She was like no I haven't seen them except at someone's bday party. I knew them to say hi and that's about it.

M had a birthday party in Nov or Dec. My kids were not invited. Neither were my friends kids.

But now you are inviting me to a shower? For someone I literally haven't seen in 4 months? And who doesn't have my phone number? Who has never invited me for a cup of coffee and a playdate? Who didn't invite my kids to their beloved daughter bday party? But now I am expected to show up with a twin gift in hand for a shower? For twins that let's face it I probably won't meet anytime soon?

Odd Odd Odd

I think that they are crazy. Who does this? I personally know that they already have a double stroller. They have C. so they already have some boy clothes. Yes I am sure that they will need 1 extra car seat and eventually 1 extra crib and high chair. BUT...when you have kids they are expensive. Why would I feel so horrible for them that I go out and buy them gifts?

Friggen weirdo's. get serious. I'm on my way to unfriend pdiddy on fb. cause that's ridiculous.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

In the days of equality

Men are bitches too. They really are. The examples of famous man bitches is amazing, let alone if we all signed our husbands, brothers, co-workers, friends, dads and uncles onto this list.

Men are bitches.

And just so we're clear, I'm actually NOT fighting with my husband at the moment. It's just that - well men are bitches!

I'm tired of women getting all the blame in this department. Men can be just as crazy as women. They really can.

In my former life I worked in a very male dominated industry - fortunately for me I curse like a sailor so I fit it. When I started my job I was like "oh this will be beautiful...no gossip, no cat fighting around the water cooler - absolute blissful work environment"

WRONG

Men gossip worse than women they just don't call it that. They talk about who did what and what went down. Problem is that it's men. So on top of spreading gossip they interject their own "oh yeah she did. she loves me" kind of crap so it's not just gossip, but dirty half true gossip.

"When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute." ~Author Unknown

Men cat fight just as bad as women. Especially at work. They dance around issues, get all passive aggressive. Then they compete about it too.

"The problem with most men is they're assholes. The problem with most women is they put up with those assholes." Cher


While I am not really man bashing (I love my husband, my 3 sons, my brother, dad, etc), I DO feel that women get the short end of the stick on the bitchy business. Why is it that we use the word bitch in the first place? Seriously I use it and I have no problem using it - to me I have taken the negative out of it and made it fun for me. But...you don't hear people walking around yelling "Be my Dick!" "Why are you always assholing" "Quit your bastarding" nope it's be my bitch, why are you always bitching, quit your bitching. Girls get the negative on this one I guess.

"Though we adore men individually, we agree that as a group they're rather stupid." Mary Poppins

Anyhoo - the moral of my story is if you're going to be a bitch ladies...be a good one. Show the men who's boss, show them there is no glass ceiling of bitchiness in our world:)

Monday, March 7, 2011

Love and hate

I have personally tried most fad diets. When Oprah lost weight on shakes? umm so did I despite being in junior high I was put on slimfast (to be fair I did lose a bit of weight...to be unfair I still can't believe my mom did that. I was maybe a size 10 when I started? bigger than the average junior high girl but not so big that I needed an intervention).

I did atkins in my 20's. I lost a lot of weight (at this point I needed to). But...the reality is once you start eating like a human being again - wow did that weight come right back.

I have a phobia of diets at this point. I hear the word diet and I go running for chocolate. I'm not even kidding.

So I said to myself just cut back - up the exercise. Being a waitress has helped this endeavor and I have lost a little bit of weight. But I need to lose more. And I would love to lose more before the summer season starts here (I work more in the summer and literally run my ass off - which is fun, but if I lose some before the summer starts - I'll end the summer looking decent.)

Bethenny Frankel + Skinnygirl Margaria Pictures, Images and Photos

So this quest led me to Bethenny. I love her on real housewives. I do. I watch her show. I love that she says never diet. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

Skinny Girl Logo Pictures, Images and Photos

I have now read most of her first book. It all makes sense. Don't deprive yourself...eat what you want. But only have 2 bites of chocolate cake. Only have a few bites of the bad things, but still eat them.

This is what I hate. Maybe this is why she looks like she does and I look like - well not like that. How can I push a piece of cake away? AUGH - I don't know if I can do it - and I hate that. I hate that I watched her show the other night and she really does live like that. She went and ate a chili cheese dog and truly ate half and then pushed it away. I would have snarfed that bitch right down the hatch.

I'm trying to add the fruits and veggies into my diet - but I don't know if I'll ever be able to have 1 square of chocolate and then push it away. *sigh* and I hate that about myself!

and right now I kind of hate myself for the amount of whining that took place in this post. It really wasn't supposed to turn out this way. but oh well;)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Top 5 bitches

so my top 5 bitches of the week (in random order)

1 - my kids seem to have super poop. They really do. That and everytime I ask the 2 1/2 year old if he wants to poop on the potty the answer is either a screamed no or no no no no thank you mommy.

2 - People who ask for advice or comments and then throw a tantrum when the asked for comments are not going the way that they expected. As a general statement I will never pat someone on the back just because they asked for it. Sometimes it's a change of subject, or "oh wow", or if need be just walking away. and then there are the times I will just let the bitch rip - well...you did ask me right?

3 - Family. I love my family (meaning siblings and all that) I really do. But I have to say they also give me heartburn. I'm sure that this will climax in April when I make a drive to see them. My family and for that matter my husband's family is a don't upset the applecart type of family. I'd love to tell people why they are pissing me off and in general just ask them why do they have to be so crazy...BUT that would upset someone and hurt someone's feelings so therefore I should just shut up. and have heartburn.

4 - Charlie Sheen. I haven't even seen half of the stuff that he has been saying but just because you're rich doesn't mean that the state police shouldn't knock on your door and commit you. Seriously...someone check this guy in.

5 - That chinese food is not good for you. Why can't fried dumplings be a healthy food? Seriously? Why can't lo'mein and general chicken be a special food group that makes weight drop off easier. That would make my life a little more happy it really would. I believe in this the same way that I believe alcohol should be mandatory before starting work (remember I wait tables so it could make the night more fun) and the same way that I believe that coffee (starbucks or peet's please) should be free to mom's...for life.

Anyhoo - that's me checking in on the week-end with the things that are making me crankiest on the week-end. In the next 6 weeks I want to drop a few pounds (getting family pictures done on said trip to MI) so...expect a lot more bitching. Lettuce makes me very cranky when consumed without full fat blue cheese dripping from it.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Real Housewives

so I missed last nights Miami episode...but the one thing about liking Bravo TV is that well...it will be on at least 15-20 more times before next weeks new episode. I'm still not sure how I feel about Miami but I think it will be definitely bring the drama.

And Let's get serious shall we? Drama IS why we watch the show right? I mean I couldn't STAND Danielle on the RHONJ...but she did make the show interesting - gave it a focal point of the drama. Now without her? Do you think that NJ will be any good? We'll have to see.

Danielle Staub
Danielle Staub Pictures

I've heard and read people saying that "oh well these ladies aren't real, they don't represent us." well...I don't know about the rest of the areas...but I CAN speak for NJ. umm...I've met a lot of people from NJ that are not like those ladies but yes I have met my fair share of women and men from North Jersey who are indeed just like those crazy bitches! Sorry to say it but yup. The RHONJ shows the best of the worst. So I'm tempted to say that it's true;) Stereotypical? yes. but the best of the stereotypical.



That's just funny.

I'm waiting for them to make a Real Housewives of South Jersey (for those of you who don't know North Jersey and South Jersey should be different states. It's VERY different. They are all NYC (or NYC drop outs, people who can't afford Connecticut, people who can't afford the Bronx) we are all very Philly. We like cheesesteaks and "yo".

*disclaimer* I'm only allowed to comment on this so much being a girl from
Michigan. But since I've been in NJ for almost 11 years...I'm assuming my temporary visa has been transformed into a green card.

Camille Grammer
Camille Grammer Pictures

anyhoo love the drama. Will Beverly hills be any fun if Camille Grammer really decides not to come back? I mean yeah there is the Kyle/Kim Drama - but that is just somewhat sad and not as entertaining as a narcissistic bitch! Let's just keep the crazy in the housewives. That's what makes it fun!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Nevermind...

Don't worry - the bitchy came back quicker than I expected. Although this is more whiny bitchy than just plain bitchy so my apologies in advance if you're reading this.

How come at 34 and 3/4's I still feel like the last kid picked for dodge ball? I mean aren't I busy enough with life to worry about the bullshit? Apparently I am not.

We had an invitation to go to a museum on Saturday with the 2 oldest. (no way am I bringing the baby - that's ridiculous). I, at this point, only work one day a week (Sunday) so I'm a pretty easy girl to get a hold of in terms of making plans. So, I respond that yes I'm pretty sure we're in (unless something dramatic happens during our week). I then find out that oh well not a lot of other people can come so we're moving it to sunday. hope you can still come. WELL...except Sunday is the 1 DAY A WEEK I work. are you kidding me?

Stupid? yes. Ridiculous to get upset about or take personally? Probably but that has never stopped me - megabitch.

I see all these invitations on Facebook for bike/bar runs in my town, or little events. And, I just wonder why I'm never invited? Let me clarify...I live in the town of the bitches. They are all running around here being bitchy - making me look non-bitchy. So I don't REALLY wonder. I just wonder.

Self pity is the order of the day. I will be over it soon - I hope.



at least we can laugh at that crazy bitch;) she makes me look normal!

Nothing Bitchy

Seriously I'm wondering what is wrong with me. I have nothing bitchy to say today. Yup you heard it right. I wonder if could be happy? not sure what this feeling is but it is odd and new.

of course as I am typing this my 1 year old is yelling at me, maybe the bitchy will be back quicker than I imagined.