Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Guilty Bitch

I hate mom guilt. I hate it I hate it I hate it.

Did I mention that I hate mom guilt?

It creeps into my head every.single.night. I can't shut that little voice up.

Like right now. Thing 3 is the only kid home right now. The other 2 are at school. We should be outside playing or something. Instead? I'm sitting at the table with my lap top and he is eating pretzels in his high chair watching Mickey. I hear the voice telling me that's not nice.

At night I think to myself "did I do enough tonight?" "Did they get enough good things to eat?" "Do I let them watch too much tv?"

I think the mom guilt is one of the reasons that I can't stand uppity mothers who appear to have it together. They increase my mom guilt.

I don't read to my kids every day. When I had one? We read together ALL the time. He loved it. Then I had 2 kids. Kid number 2 doesn't like to sit and listen to the story all the time. So we read less frequently. Then I had 3 kids and someone was always trying to rip the pages. Then I got a job that requires me to leave my house at 3:30...I lost my rhythm...I feel guilty.

Thing 3 decided in the past week that he doesn't like grapes or carrots anymore. He has been eating them since he was eating solids. He loved them so much. I was good with it because it's an easy fruit and veg and no arguments over food. Now I have to think it out and find him other things (he doesn't have molars yet so there are a lot of no's about what he can eat.). Now I have guilt and try to count up his servings of fruit and vegetables every day.

I have guilt about my short temper. I don't think it's THAT short every day...but lord help me. If I tell you to put on your shoes because we're going to school (which you love) and I tell you again to put them on...by the third time of you "forgetting" to put on your shoes...I'm a little pissed. guilt at the end of the day for that one.

It doesn't end with the mommy issues.

Sunday was a bad night (in terms of money) at work. So what did I do? Had 2 drinks after work at work. umm...that's not helping the wallet. So I have money guilt now. On top of the mom guilt.

I get wife guilt as if my guilt plate wasn't full enough. Did I put out enough this week? Did I make him feel important? Was I just snappy for no reason? He's trying to help and I'm bitching *surprise*.

So now we're up to mom guilt, money guilt, and wife guilt.

I try not to regret any decisions I've made in my life. My life isn't perfect, but at the same time all the bad choices that I've made have led me to where I am...which is where I want to be. So while not regretting and not looking back...I do still have guilt.

I threw a party when I was 17. It was the party of 93 - or so I've been told....until the cops came and busted my awesome cool party. My parents were PISSED...to say the least. You really can't mention it to my dad to this day (and hey - I'm 34 3/4 years old...). I have guilt over it still!

Help. Mom guilt, money guilt, wife guilt, daughter guilt.

Some days I drown in the guilt.

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