Losing it

I feel fat today, mainly because of yesterday but I need to include some of last week in this feeling too.

I have promised myself no more dieting. I am sticking to that promise. But included in the promise to myself, I have promised no more binges. A pint of ice cream is ok every once in a while, but not ever night. A few jelly beans are alright, but do I need the whole bag kind of binging?

*sigh*

I grew up in a house with VERY few treats. We rarely had potato chips instead we were given pretzels. We almost never had candy or ice cream or dessert in general. I got out of that house and proceeded to go to every fast food restaurant in town, and I would top it off with Ice Cream for dinner.

The one time we did have treats was on vacation. On vacation my mom had candy in the car. On vacation we would get a bag of chips and a 12 pack of pop. On vacation we could go out for ice cream.

I was on vacation last week. And during that vacation I drove 24 hours (12 there 12 back) on a Friday during Lent. And seeing that I am now Catholic (converted a few years ago) I can not eat meat on Friday during lent. So that truly narrowed the choices of restaurants when eating food at the turnpike rest stops. So...I packed the car with snacks and junk.

Fine right? 2 days doesn't undo a lot.

Except it wasn't just 2 days.

One day we went out to a restaurant (it's easy when we are with my parents - we actually have more adults than kids! YEA). The restaurant had some good sandwiches (I had a gyro which I love), but the specialty of the house was sundae's. So of course I had to have one, on top of the gyro and fries. One day I made cinnamon rolls for everyone (home made from scratch - delicious if I do say so myself). Of course I had to try one. or well 2. One day we celebrated my parents birthday with out to lunch (steak and scallops thank you) then went home and had a giant slab of cake. One day we ordered take out and I got the most delicious grinder (can't get them that good in NJ) but the kicker is I have to have Mayo on my grinder (otherwise what is the point). It was yummy.

All of the vacation slips added up I am thinking.

Then yesterday, oh lord help me yesterday.

I gave up popcorn for lent. I have missed it. I took my son out for a date night and we met with some of his friends from his old preschool. We went to a hibachi grill for dinner (YUM!) Steak and Scallops again (YUM never gets old). We then went to the movies. Honestly? I was somewhat full from dinner BUT...I gave up popcorn for lent. And since I go to the movies maybe 3-4 times a year I ALWAYS get popcorn cause it's not an every week occurrence for me.

So now I've had a big dinner, a BIG thing of popcorn (please don't forget the butter) and a large Mountain Dew (umm another thing I've given up except for treat days...and if they have Fountain Dew I'm in - that's a treat not an every day thing anymore).

You could have rolled me out.

So here's the real reason behind this post. I am now scared of my scale.

The Easter Bunny has been to my house (although I am slowly sending more and more candy to work with my husband). But the bunny still did his damage. I have been on vacation. I have driven in my car long distance with no chance of a real meal. I have been out to eat tons. I have sat in a movie theater.

All of these are occasions that I have given myself to relax about the food. They are not things that all happen a lot in my life, so I'm ok with treating myself then.

The true problem is that they are NOT supposed to all happen within a two week period.

So right now I'm scared. I don't want to ruin a day with getting myself on the scale knowing in my head that it is going to be up, but not knowing how much up it is going to be.

Scared.

Bought lots of lettuce at the store this week.