Love and hate

I have personally tried most fad diets. When Oprah lost weight on shakes? umm so did I despite being in junior high I was put on slimfast (to be fair I did lose a bit of weight...to be unfair I still can't believe my mom did that. I was maybe a size 10 when I started? bigger than the average junior high girl but not so big that I needed an intervention).

I did atkins in my 20's. I lost a lot of weight (at this point I needed to). But...the reality is once you start eating like a human being again - wow did that weight come right back.

I have a phobia of diets at this point. I hear the word diet and I go running for chocolate. I'm not even kidding.

So I said to myself just cut back - up the exercise. Being a waitress has helped this endeavor and I have lost a little bit of weight. But I need to lose more. And I would love to lose more before the summer season starts here (I work more in the summer and literally run my ass off - which is fun, but if I lose some before the summer starts - I'll end the summer looking decent.)



So this quest led me to Bethenny. I love her on real housewives. I do. I watch her show. I love that she says never diet. LOVE LOVE LOVE.



I have now read most of her first book. It all makes sense. Don't deprive yourself...eat what you want. But only have 2 bites of chocolate cake. Only have a few bites of the bad things, but still eat them.

This is what I hate. Maybe this is why she looks like she does and I look like - well not like that. How can I push a piece of cake away? AUGH - I don't know if I can do it - and I hate that. I hate that I watched her show the other night and she really does live like that. She went and ate a chili cheese dog and truly ate half and then pushed it away. I would have snarfed that bitch right down the hatch.

I'm trying to add the fruits and veggies into my diet - but I don't know if I'll ever be able to have 1 square of chocolate and then push it away. *sigh* and I hate that about myself!

and right now I kind of hate myself for the amount of whining that took place in this post. It really wasn't supposed to turn out this way. but oh well;)